confused

music- amos lee- keep it loose, keep it tight

so i have been thinking, which ussually means something bad. and well i really dont understand. lately ive been not feeling well, like not sick but, like depressed or something. idk i just cant be happy. if im doing something physical then i guess im happy, but i think its a temporary happiness. but i cant tell. i find the only times i acctually feel pretty happy is when im talking to her. i really think i like her. but i dont wanna ask her out because im still afraid of rejection. and if i dont think i can stand it anymore. but shes super nice and beautiful. the other day dustin said that if i dont ask her out soon then shell loose intrest. he also said girls want what they cant have. and told me not to talk to her alot. idk ., i actually like to right how i feel sometimes on this. it makes me feel like im not keeping it bundled up inside. well im done for now. im watching shrek and i think im gonna turn off my music too.

so i have come to the conclusion, that almost everyone in my life has changed. some for good some for bad. im wondering if i have changed. and if i have. is it for good or bad. i hope its for good, cause lately ive been feeling like crap. when i call someone either my calls dont go through as they claim or they answer then hang up. today after i was done painting, i called this girl. she answered said hello twice, then hung up. after i felt super bad, because i heard some stuff like she told someone to not answer my calls, which made me feel even worse. so i went to skate, to get it out of my head. after i finished skating, i went to get water, and talking to another friend there she was. she said her phone was broke, and that she had hung up on another friend. i guess i accepted it. but idk.

gahhh

so tonight i had a good talk with my friend ken. it was a very enlightened talk. i feel i have reached a new level and am ready to gace the world a little more. we talked about a girl. not just any girl, but what i think should be the basis for all women. she is the most beautiful person in the world. to me that is. he told me to just talk to her. i understand i should, but i really can't even think when im around her. the first time i talked to her, i can barely remember what i said. all i can remember is being the most nervous person in the face of the planet. all i really want to do is talk to her. he made me realize something important. if i really like her then why cant i talk to her. i thought it made alot of sense. how can you fell for someone, but cant even tell them. i think thats it for this. but i think ill talk to her on monday. ill just say hi.

gone

i dont understand this at all. but its alright cause ill get used to it. hmm. i guess i could say that everything is fine. as long as you take it one step at a time. sont let people tell you what to do thats what they said to me. but i never listen thats why im still here. but ill be out of you way soon enough. when the sun rises.