So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now i'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

But it's not so bad
You're only the best i ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best i ever had

So you stole my world
Now i'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

But it's not so bad
You're only the best i ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best i ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But i can't take it so i
Run away and hide
And i may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now i'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

What was it you wanted
Could it be i'm haunted

But it's not so bad
You're only the best i ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best i ever had
The best i ever had
The best i ever

i feel this song bassically represents how i feel. it feels as though the song itself takes me away to a memory. i feel like theres so much i wanna tell her, but i cant, and i wont. this slightly diminishes my chances of getting her, but id rather that happen than not talk to her at all.
landon showed me this other song by kols but i dont remember the title. today was a good day. we went to the beach and back to jareds house to grab controllers. aaron said saxon was making tacos. i had just eaten. but the lure of tacos was irresistable. so i dropped them off at matts house and me and aaron went to saxon's. we didnt have tacos which was very dissapointing. we had nachos instead. then we had a gun war. and while we were looking through saxon's photos i came upon a conclusion. i realized why its so easy for me to be around someone i liked. i dont really like her. well i do, but not in that way. i must just find her attractive. which wouldnt be totally out of the question. i really did forget what i was writing and now i think im rambling on. i really dont know why im even gonna publish this. im tired
and

you were the best i ever had.

complications arise. what would you do. batton down the hatches. dont let the flood water in. the captain screams orders no one will follow. why does he scream then. why not sit down and wait for either the end or there dramatic save. because if they are saved then he will be praised for his excellent leadership of the crew. and if they go down, who will really blame him. i mean they are all going down. from those depths who could really know anything. its between him and them.

im reading the perks of being a wallflower as of late. i find the book to be quite intresting. I didnt think that it would be this good. i am nearly halfway through in 2 days. wehich i find is quite awkward. seeing as i havent read a book, like acctually wanting to and not being forced to in like an amount of years. i will probably be finished before this weekend if i keep reading it this way.i should metion when i used to read i would read books in 3 days and move on to new ones. i feel as thoough ive taken back a part of myself, and it feels good.

also i find myself contemplating the actions i take after i take thme. take for instence yesterday. or maybe 2 days ago. i was talking to my friend on aim. i had just finished recording a song that i sent to a friend for our band. i decided to talk to this friend of mine that is a girl and who i like. i told her i had written a song. and i asked her to tell me how it sounded. because i wanted feedback from other people. she said that i wasnt the one playing it.i told her that i wrote it. and she then said it was"beautiful", i told her it was beautiful because i wrote it for her. i dont know why i said this, but to this point i really dont know why i said this. i feel that maybe the more and more i hang out with this girl, the more and more she grows on me. the more i find i want to talk her, so i can say stupid things and not feel like an idiot, or where i can say completely rude things and all she does is laugh. maybe she does this cause she knows i dont mean it. sometimes i find myself wondering what if. but then my friend likes her. but is he really my friend. i should say so. i mean hes alright and hes a pretty nice guy. but what i find quite awkward is that she doesn't like him at all. she acctually despises him. im pretty sure. but i know she doesnt like him. i think she should just tell hom already. i mean leading him on is even worse. well its almost 2 in the morning and i need sleep. so goodnight.

as landon said
blogspot is simple
simple is neat
like clean

confused

music- amos lee- keep it loose, keep it tight

so i have been thinking, which ussually means something bad. and well i really dont understand. lately ive been not feeling well, like not sick but, like depressed or something. idk i just cant be happy. if im doing something physical then i guess im happy, but i think its a temporary happiness. but i cant tell. i find the only times i acctually feel pretty happy is when im talking to her. i really think i like her. but i dont wanna ask her out because im still afraid of rejection. and if i dont think i can stand it anymore. but shes super nice and beautiful. the other day dustin said that if i dont ask her out soon then shell loose intrest. he also said girls want what they cant have. and told me not to talk to her alot. idk ., i actually like to right how i feel sometimes on this. it makes me feel like im not keeping it bundled up inside. well im done for now. im watching shrek and i think im gonna turn off my music too.

so i have come to the conclusion, that almost everyone in my life has changed. some for good some for bad. im wondering if i have changed. and if i have. is it for good or bad. i hope its for good, cause lately ive been feeling like crap. when i call someone either my calls dont go through as they claim or they answer then hang up. today after i was done painting, i called this girl. she answered said hello twice, then hung up. after i felt super bad, because i heard some stuff like she told someone to not answer my calls, which made me feel even worse. so i went to skate, to get it out of my head. after i finished skating, i went to get water, and talking to another friend there she was. she said her phone was broke, and that she had hung up on another friend. i guess i accepted it. but idk.

gahhh

so tonight i had a good talk with my friend ken. it was a very enlightened talk. i feel i have reached a new level and am ready to gace the world a little more. we talked about a girl. not just any girl, but what i think should be the basis for all women. she is the most beautiful person in the world. to me that is. he told me to just talk to her. i understand i should, but i really can't even think when im around her. the first time i talked to her, i can barely remember what i said. all i can remember is being the most nervous person in the face of the planet. all i really want to do is talk to her. he made me realize something important. if i really like her then why cant i talk to her. i thought it made alot of sense. how can you fell for someone, but cant even tell them. i think thats it for this. but i think ill talk to her on monday. ill just say hi.

gone

i dont understand this at all. but its alright cause ill get used to it. hmm. i guess i could say that everything is fine. as long as you take it one step at a time. sont let people tell you what to do thats what they said to me. but i never listen thats why im still here. but ill be out of you way soon enough. when the sun rises.